Wednesday, May 25th.
I guess it's only been a couple weeks of summer, and it seems so long, but I want it to be long. May is ending then comes June so of course I want the summer to drag on as long it can, because I don't know when there will be a summer like this again. Another summer where I'll have time for myself.
Even with the free and relaxing summer I have, I've been constantly trying to catch up with creating and editing YouTube videos, creating my Depop account, finding collaboration, and looking for new things. I've been reading books to get inspiration and learning new things even on vacation. I'm learning the things that I have a big passion for. I know that if I want to expand my YouTube channel and grow as a creator, then I need to work hard for it.
The planning doesn't stop during the summer as I now have time to make plans with friends and also get my sleep back in (whew!). This also includes having time to pamper myself, get fit, eat well, etc. And, as I start to plan things out it seems as if my calendar gets full and I won't have time left for other things, but if I don't over plan and relax a little then I'll get the free time to myself. three more months of summer, so that should be enough time to catch up and do the things I love.
I would sit here and explain all my summer plans, but I guess it's better to write it as it happens.
I'm really happy to say that I got hired to work at my school during the fall semester as a Student Instructor for Pre-Calculus. I'm quite excited to have a new job and new things to learn. In the mean time, I'll continue to work hard at the things I do. Working, creating, and finding time for friends and myself is not easy, but it's definitely something that keeps me productive and happy. ^^
Let's make it count~
Saturday, May 14th
Previous to my friend asking me the question, "What do you think it would be like if you hadn't started YouTube?" I had also pondered about this question. She mentioned that it would be like taking away the personality I have now.
I really don't know what I would be doing without creating content for others since it's my passion. I knew as a child that I wanted to pursue something that dealt with creativity knowing that I wasn't a creative person, but more so tried to be one.
I do think that people can be born with talents like drawing well, able to think fast, and have a mind of a engineer, but all I had was passion. Every day is a journey to learn more about the things I love to do whether it is creating content, blogging, photography, dance, and other things. I don't know if my content will take me anywhere, but I know that it's what I enjoy doing and that's whats important
Having CREATIVITY was something that I always strived for but never truly got a hold of. I tried all aspects of creativity since I was younger starting from realizing I couldn't draw well, tried to sing and be a part of the school choir, played the flute in band for 4 years, always a part of drama and theatre, taking a photography class in high school, doing others' hair and makeup, and also being a part of a dance team. These things helped me realize that I was better at some forms of creativity than others and my skills lacked more than most people, but my passion made me continue to try.
Since 2 years ago, I've had a passion to edit and create more and better content for my viewers. This actually made me feel secluded from the real world as I'm the only one out of groups of friends to have this online personality. I can't pick up things as easily as some people would nor do I have ideas to create content all the time.
But, it's not a passion to give up on no matter how many people tell me it's silly. To answer the first question, I don't know what it would be like if I didn't put myself online and put my content online for others around the world to see. It just became a part of me and makes me feel happy every day, and even writing like this is something I look forward to even if it takes away time and energy to do. Social media has created this world for me to expand my own creativity and in turn give me knowledge in order to learn more and create my own ideas. A passion shouldn't be something that is secondary or something that I would just give up on.
So, when people tell me how I do something creatively, the only answer I have is that I try and put all my energy into making creative content. And of course, it's not always easy, but nothing is done without the effort.
Even now I thank all those who have supported me and understood how much this passion means to me. I know that I am just an individual living in a rural town trying to share knowledge to the world, so when I find out that someone knows me or admires my content I still get surprised. I don't have a big following nor is my content the most innovative, yet I'm glad I still have those that enjoy it. That's what I'm here for no matter who it is that's watching or reading, my goal is that you got something little out of it or that it made you smile.
☽ If you have any inquires would you like if I made a video on this topic? I would also love to discuss my future content plans and putting passion on the same level as education. What do you think? && Thank you again for all your support!☽
Thursday, May 12th
I guess it could be the feeling of finally fitting in somewhere effortlessly. I think it's enough to say that about the dance team I was with for the whole school year. In no way do they validate who I am or completely take away all the sad feelings I may have at times, but they make you appreciate those around you. Even if loneliness is present when I'm by myself, the feeling is not present when I'm with them.
There's around 19 people that are a part of the dance team now and it continues to grow bigger and bigger, yet it's amazing that we are so connected to each other and that we don't form our little cliques. We perform together, and we all bond together. Even if it doesn't stay like this for long it really does make me appreciate those around me more because I learned to have this team connectedness with all the members.
They all understand that little things MATTER. And that, each person's feelings need to be sought after and cared for. Through this school year that's what I felt like. Even when I had the idea of leaving the team, something brought me back and that was friendship that we had. It's not something that I can explain properly, but that was the reason I was back. I originally joined to make new friends despite some people telling me that you join a dance team to just learn about dance, but that's not how we were. I saw the love that we had for one another once we took the time out to celebrate events with each other and take the time to simply ask the whole group if we want to eat together for lunch.
The numerous times that the team cared for me and did things for me made me feel a part of something, but doing so effortlessly.
Whether those times included: having our small talks, bonfire for my birthday, going out to eat, playing Mafia at my house, or simply telling me I'm beautiful without makeup makes me feel appreciated and makes me appreciate. Those are the times that I can just live in the moment and continue to live in the moment. I can't say that my personality had totally changed by those on the team, but there are things that I realize I'm lucky to have and that I should appreciate more. Something that I will never forget as we all work together and have fun together.
We are even vulnerable enough to be emotional together, and that's when I know that each person on the team has let go of themselves and opened up to each other. That's how we define our friendship.
If any of you are reading this right now, I love all of you and thank you for your endless amounts of care! ♡♡
Tuesday, May 10th.
I will follow up with a topic that's exactly opposite of this loneliness feeling. So...there's no exact words to put it so I'm just going to rant on about this topic.
I'm sure that the feeling of loneliness is something that we as humans feel from one time to another. I have inquired the question in an Instagram post once asking, "What are your biggest fears" and some people answered with the fear of being alone. I can't agree to that more than I already do, because that's the same thing I fear and sometimes even feel.
WHY DO WE FEEL THIS WAY?
As the emotional beings we are, we can't live without people surrounding us. It gives a sense of comfort and belonging. Maybe this has started with evolution, same goes that an economy can't grow without the help of others. We are social beings that want others around us so we end up feeling alone when we lose that sense. A humans emotions are based off of the way others interact with them and those feelings include: trust, honesty, loyalty, and love. So then, we have this sense to make others happy in order to make ourselves happy and vise versa. As an independent being, it's a topic that's hard to grasp. I often feel like I need to do things without others, but the truth is that not everything can be done without the help of others. This fear is what makes relationships with others so important. Relationships are proven to be the top cause of the way we feel whether it be happy or unhappy.
WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY?
I guess...the only way I can feel better is to explain and say it in this way. Some people can be more emotional than others. I've had feelings of loneliness every since I was a child. I've always felt that I didn't fit into society's norms or have a group of friends that made me feel like I was a part of something. To this day I still remember the time before I went to sleep when I was ten years old, crying to my mom that I felt like I had no friends. At the time, I really didn't know that the feeling was, but all I knew was that I felt hurt inside. Now, no matter how many friends I attain, I still continue to feel that same feeling of loneliness from time to time. There are days were I feel like I don't fit into the group of friends or that one day I will grow apart from a friend. I also have feelings that the friends I have now don't see me as much of a friend as I see them. I guess it could be the things of the unknown that scares people. I have learned about relationships in psychology before and these feels can diminish once a strong relationship is established and once the person feels better about themselves. The feelings can also change by establishing healthy lifestyles and creating a better mental health.
Having feelings of loneliness become difficult for those that go through the same feelings. I'm the type of person that loves establishing relationships and become extroverted with having a connection with others, but finds it difficult to create those relationships. I also tend to blame it on my short comings whether it is my looks, the way I act, or my personality. This is when I tell myself to not think that way, but it is difficult and overcoming those feelings are also difficult. But, I remind myself that I'm not the only one that feels this way, and to appreciate those around me is the best I can do for myself and for others.
Remember that I'll be here for you~
Thanks for visiting my loves!
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